i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
