I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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