I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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