my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
