I just threw up on my dentist
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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