have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
