dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
COCAINE IS GR8
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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