last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
