I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
