i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
