at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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