You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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