Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
