It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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