She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you never un-have a 4some
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
