I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
