He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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