dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
