i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let's paint friendship bongs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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