did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
