i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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