i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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