love makes seman taste better
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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