My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
