So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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