the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
