I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
