What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You took a bar mat shot.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
