Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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