I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
