Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
