so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
