We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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