What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
