Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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