Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
