he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
