I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
