mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
