The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
dude. I can hear the air.
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