Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
