ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
