I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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