I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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