So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
