I wish life had little blips of pornography
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's never too late to be topless.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
