Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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