I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
