he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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