Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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