its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
